Hihihihi guys!

Here's me hiding from 2019

Hope y'all are being the best you and doing well!
Oh, HAPPY NEW YEAR!
We're six days into 2019.
Yes. Six days. I'm late for the new year you say?
Well. January was hard. And I mean hard.
You know how people say with the new year you're starting off with blank pages and all that? Well, I'm the sort of person who is ready with her best stationery on the first of January, every year.
That purple highlighter, that pastel pink post-it, that pen-pencil that's so convenient since a normal pencil is too much work, all ready and armed to take on these blank pages that people speak of, ready to make each page neat and aesthetic and colourful and better than the last. I feel like we all try our best to do this in some way or the other, in January at least. Some of us start that diet we have always wanted to go on and some us of try to be more productive and not make the mistakes we made the previous year. Regardless of whether all this lasts, we still try.
But what happens if your post-its don't stick well or your purple highlighter runs out of ink or that trusty pen-pencil gets stuck and you don't know how to fix it? Suddenly the blank pages aren't being filled the way you wanted it to. Well, a series of these pages happened and I just wanted to rip out these pages out and start over. I finally gave up after a point and decided to leave the pages blank and start off afresh in February. So that's why I've convinced myself that we're only six days into the new year.
But here I am, at 2am trying to convince myself that January didn't happen and February is ok so far. *touch wood*
But because it is 2am and I'm trying to convince myself of this, I realise I cannot and actually shouldn't forget that January did happen and things did go terribly wrong but more importantly that that's ok.
A few exams not going so well, almost breaking my leg, my anxiety making a big comeback and finding out out some terrible news are a few things that my January was made up of.
We live in a society where we're branded by the how much marks we get, it sucks but it's always something for those aunties and uncles to judge you and make them feel better or worse about their own kids. Nevertheless, we are always on a quest to make those aunties and uncles feel bad about their kids, fueling an insatiable desire to prove people wrong. The moment I knew my marks weren't going to make me or my parents particularly proud, it devastated me, more than it should've. When you let that happen, you end up putting yourself down and undermining yourself when you're actually better than a lot of people out in the world. So if there's anything I've learned at 2am, six days into my new year, it's that whatever happens is ok, I'm just going to go out there and give everything my best shot. Things aren't going to go as planned and that's ok. Giving it your best shot is important.
Then we have the anxiety coming back. I've been getting very anxious lately and a small trigger is all that's needed to break me. It's been making me lose my temper a lot too. Not particularly proud of it, but I threw my phone the other day when I got super frustrated. The phone is ok but I'm not. Taking it out on everyone or everything else is probably the worst thing you could do. It gets harsh but I'm working on it. I'm distracting myself with book clubs and k-dramas. It's hard but to people who might be going through this too, WE GOT THISSS.
Finally receiving the terrible news, its not something I want to elaborate on but let's just say it was pretty much my worst fear come to life. I wish there was a 'How to Life for Dummies' book that I could delve into because no one teaches you how to deal with things like this.  If there's anything I can tell you from learning about this the hard way is that, you have to spend time with the ones you love. Tell your loved ones you love them every single chance you get. Throw kindness around like confetti, I cannot stress enough on that. Go write a letter to someone you love right now. Or give your loved one a hug. DO IT.
Spread the love, the world needs it.
And on that note, I think I should wrap up this blogpost.
If you want your new year to start in March, start it in March. Hell, start it in August, make your own rules but don't forget what the bad months taught you. You got this, kick life's butt.
I really hope you have an amaaaazing year. Own it and kill it.
And do it all Without Wax.
Auf Wiedersehen.

Without Wax,

That Indian Blogger