Hello internet, my trusty confidant.
It is currently 1:30 AM as I’m writing this.
It’s been a couple of minutes since I cried my heart out whilst watching The Sky is Pink.
It has been a very overwhelming couple of hours, to say the least.
I’ve been quite despondent this past week. Do I have a reason for this despair and sadness that I’ve been wallowing in? Well, to tell you the truth, I’m not entirely sure.
Something I have realised is that this darkness I’ve been wallowing in is definitely in a tiny way because of some of the fears that somehow slip into my thoughts every day.
I do not call upon these thoughts intentionally. I try to block them out and distract myself from them as much as possible but because it is 1:30 AM and these fears have been amplified in my head, I decided to list out these fears for you.
To start off lightly, I am scared of birds. I do not know why but I cannot be within a foot of a bird. Just the other day, a couple of my friends, being the angels that they are, were trying to help out a pigeon with a broken leg. I walked into the room they were in, unbeknownst to what they were doing, and when I did see the bird and realised what was happening, my heart rate shot through the roof, at least, that’s what it felt like. I love these friends to bits but there was nothing I wanted more than to get out of that room. I want to be that person who is always ready to lend a helping hand, even if it is a critter like the one in the room, but I just couldn’t. I wanted to run out of the room, and that is exactly what I ended up doing. I wasn’t proud of it, but I still did it, because I was so scared, so overcome with fear. I couldn’t bring myself to do anything else.
I am scared of not being enough. I am so lucky to have people around me who always reassure me otherwise, but you know how sometimes you cannot bring yourself to believe them. No matter how many times a person may try to help you, it will only work when you tell yourself that it's going to work and open yourself up to that help but only you can tell yourself to stop being insecure. To start loving yourself. But, it's all easier said than done. This fear creeps in, in so many shapes and forms. If I’m standing in front of a boy trying to tell him that I like him, that fear is right in front of me. I’m standing there all the while trying to look at that boy over the shoulder of this fear and it’s exhausting. Even if a great opportunity has come my way, I almost always have to confront this fear before taking a step forward. This opportunity may have come my way because I am good enough, but the fear of messing up, the fear of not being good enough, the insecurity, is all strong enough to make me think otherwise. Have I admitted defeat to this fear multiple times? Yes, yes I have.
I’m scared of losing my loved ones. “Losing” can be interpreted in so many ways. I can assure you though that I am afraid of every one of those ways. Even just the thought of it, no matter how unlikely it may seem in reality, the thought is all it takes to thoroughly shake me up.
I’m scared of the direction our world is headed in. Religiously blinded governments, impending irreversible climate change, a rampant pandemic, and to top it off, a parochial and patriarchal society in the midst of it all, is just absolutely terrifying. You may argue that I should stop complaining and be the one to move and make a difference. I get that, but I’m guilty. Guilty of being overwhelmed by it all and wanting to hide from the world because I am scared.
I’m scared of death. Be it of someone I’ve crossed paths with, a loved one, or my own. Everything surrounding it absolutely terrifies me. I’ve been watching ‘The Good Place’ recently, which if you haven’t watched, contemplates the existence of a “Good Place” and a “Bad Place” over heaven and hell. A series of choices you make in your corporeal-life determines whether you go to the Good Place or the Bad in your after-life and watching that show made me realise how it isn’t just me, but a lot of us who base a lot of our decisions on how “You only live once” or the fact that we have limited time on here, which is nothing but this impending fear of death, in a way?
I’m scared of rejection, of being talked about, of not doing that exam well, of the choices I’ve made and will make, of going out alone at night and just so much more.
The point is, I’m scared. Absolutely terrified of a lot of things.
But I think. That it's alright.
I think it's ok to be scared.
I think it's what makes us human.
I think it drives us to do a lot of things, good and bad. But I think that’s ok.

This is my brother and I, in quarantine at home. SOCIAL DISTANCING IS SO IMPORTANT PLEASE DO NOT WRITE IT OFF.

I think we need to be reminded that it's ok to be scared of a lot of irrational things. I don’t think you should be ashamed of your fears no matter how trivial they may seem to you. I get that there are bigger things at stake here, bigger fish to fry and whatnot, but what’s the point of it if I am not ok and fettered by these fears.
I get that you can overcome fears. I think it's ok to live with certain fears too, just don’t let them hinder you. Face them, be afraid of them, cry over them, overthink them, heck throw a party with them. Weirdly, I think its time we celebrate our fears.
Let’s come together, mock these fears, laugh at them but I think most importantly, acknowledge them. they’re a part of your life, and that is ok.
I think once we get around to doing these things, there is literally nothing stopping us from moving mountains.
Tell me what you’re afraid of.
If you think no one has got your back, remember I do.
Let’s get to planning that party asap.

Without Wax,

That Indian Blogger

Dear Thatha,

It's been 67 days since you went to a better place.
Every single day I think of something I want to share with you.
I wanted to tell you when I drove myself to college for the first time. I thought that would make you proud.
I made Korean pancakes one day and wanted to share them with you.
Whenever my dad or my mom scolded me I wanted to tell you about it because I know you would've taken my side.
Sometimes I just want to run to you and give you a big hug because you gave the warmest hugs and then I realise I can't do all that and it breaks me.
Everyone says it gets better with time but I'm sat here bawling my eyes out as I write this wondering if time does heal this?
Whenever I visited you unannounced, your face lit up, it's something I will never forget, it moved me in ways you can never imagine. The fact that you were so happy just to see me, blew my mind and made me feel like the most loved person in the entire world.
I always thought I've never felt the unconditional love people talk about in songs, but then you made sure I did.
You calling me 'Sanakka' still echoes every single day. It was always so funny that you took it upon yourself to call me Akka because the rest of the youngsters didn't and funnily enough, it stuck. Recently someone called me 'Sanakka' and it just didn't feel right because it didn't come from you.
You only saw the good in people. Even when it came to one of those spam messages that you shouldn't reply to, I don't know how you did it but you still only saw the good side.
The way you respected women was always stunning, I mean, you sometimes don't see that in kids my age. I've always been so proud to call you my grandad but that always made me burst with pride.
The hole you've left in our lives is so substantial, you can't not feel it.
Every single day I think about you and I miss you so much more than words can say.
It hurts.
At the same time, I'm so glad you're not in pain anymore.
Of course, I wish we had more time together, but I don't think any amount of time would've been enough.
I turn 20 soon and as much as science tells me otherwise, I'd like to think wherever you are, you'll be by my side as I embark on a new journey of sorts.
I hope I make proud.
I hope I can spread kindness and happiness the way you did.
I also hope you're happy and at peace.
Thank you for being the greatest grandad. I'm not sure about what I did to deserve you, but I'm so grateful for all the years, all the jokes, all the conversations, all the food, just all the tiny things we shared together.
I will never and can't ever forget you.

Love you forever.

Without Wax,
Your Sanakka

Hihihihi guys!

Here's me hiding from 2019

Hope y'all are being the best you and doing well!
Oh, HAPPY NEW YEAR!
We're six days into 2019.
Yes. Six days. I'm late for the new year you say?
Well. January was hard. And I mean hard.
You know how people say with the new year you're starting off with blank pages and all that? Well, I'm the sort of person who is ready with her best stationery on the first of January, every year.
That purple highlighter, that pastel pink post-it, that pen-pencil that's so convenient since a normal pencil is too much work, all ready and armed to take on these blank pages that people speak of, ready to make each page neat and aesthetic and colourful and better than the last. I feel like we all try our best to do this in some way or the other, in January at least. Some of us start that diet we have always wanted to go on and some us of try to be more productive and not make the mistakes we made the previous year. Regardless of whether all this lasts, we still try.
But what happens if your post-its don't stick well or your purple highlighter runs out of ink or that trusty pen-pencil gets stuck and you don't know how to fix it? Suddenly the blank pages aren't being filled the way you wanted it to. Well, a series of these pages happened and I just wanted to rip out these pages out and start over. I finally gave up after a point and decided to leave the pages blank and start off afresh in February. So that's why I've convinced myself that we're only six days into the new year.
But here I am, at 2am trying to convince myself that January didn't happen and February is ok so far. *touch wood*
But because it is 2am and I'm trying to convince myself of this, I realise I cannot and actually shouldn't forget that January did happen and things did go terribly wrong but more importantly that that's ok.
A few exams not going so well, almost breaking my leg, my anxiety making a big comeback and finding out out some terrible news are a few things that my January was made up of.
We live in a society where we're branded by the how much marks we get, it sucks but it's always something for those aunties and uncles to judge you and make them feel better or worse about their own kids. Nevertheless, we are always on a quest to make those aunties and uncles feel bad about their kids, fueling an insatiable desire to prove people wrong. The moment I knew my marks weren't going to make me or my parents particularly proud, it devastated me, more than it should've. When you let that happen, you end up putting yourself down and undermining yourself when you're actually better than a lot of people out in the world. So if there's anything I've learned at 2am, six days into my new year, it's that whatever happens is ok, I'm just going to go out there and give everything my best shot. Things aren't going to go as planned and that's ok. Giving it your best shot is important.
Then we have the anxiety coming back. I've been getting very anxious lately and a small trigger is all that's needed to break me. It's been making me lose my temper a lot too. Not particularly proud of it, but I threw my phone the other day when I got super frustrated. The phone is ok but I'm not. Taking it out on everyone or everything else is probably the worst thing you could do. It gets harsh but I'm working on it. I'm distracting myself with book clubs and k-dramas. It's hard but to people who might be going through this too, WE GOT THISSS.
Finally receiving the terrible news, its not something I want to elaborate on but let's just say it was pretty much my worst fear come to life. I wish there was a 'How to Life for Dummies' book that I could delve into because no one teaches you how to deal with things like this.  If there's anything I can tell you from learning about this the hard way is that, you have to spend time with the ones you love. Tell your loved ones you love them every single chance you get. Throw kindness around like confetti, I cannot stress enough on that. Go write a letter to someone you love right now. Or give your loved one a hug. DO IT.
Spread the love, the world needs it.
And on that note, I think I should wrap up this blogpost.
If you want your new year to start in March, start it in March. Hell, start it in August, make your own rules but don't forget what the bad months taught you. You got this, kick life's butt.
I really hope you have an amaaaazing year. Own it and kill it.
And do it all Without Wax.
Auf Wiedersehen.

Without Wax,

That Indian Blogger

Hey guys!
It's October. How are we in October already?!
I also turned 19 recently, final year as a teen, what even.
Turning 19 doesn't feel any different though. I feel like there needs to be something almost ceremonious to mark this final teenage year, but there's nothing. If anything it has told me I need to pull myself together. I'm probably the most childish person I know (I may or may not have a dozen Disney songs on my playlist at the moment), and somethings telling me I need to maybe grow up a tiny bit.
So I've wanted to write this post for a while now. I thought about the title for quite a bit. "How to put it in a way that no one judges me." I then decided that life is way too short to worry about things like this😂 and therefore decided to put it as exactly what it is.
Social media ruined my life.
In today's world, I feel it's fair to say that almost everyone you bump into is on social media. The impact one can bring about via a following on social media is actually insane.
Apart from having the ability to pretty much sway the world, Social Media has made the world such a small place. You get to see what everyone is up to each day no matter where in the world they are. What we don't get sometimes is that Social Media is such a filtered version of someone's life. It may be all rainbows and unicorns on someone's page but we can never really tell if it's all rainbows and unicorns in their life.
What I find myself doing on Social Media is comparing myself to people I see on there, a lot. You may not relate, in which case I applaud you and I want to be like you, but I'm the sort of person with a super low self-esteem. Social Media also happens to have such negative vibes. A lot of people on there are hiding behind a phone or a laptop and hence get all the courage they wouldn't normally have, to spew hate on there. You may go through loads of good comments about you, but the one negative comment you find will haunt you longer is what I've found.
All sort of Social Media numbers bothered me a lot too. Likes, follows, followers, comments, I just wanted to run away from it all.
Recently something happened to my account and it bothered me so much, way more than it should have. The thought of potentially losing the account with the following and base that I had scared me and it shouldn't have. "How will I promote my blog", "How will I build up what I had from scratch", were just a few things that kept going on in my head. The same day I came across the following tweet

I realised I do not want to be that person. Social Media is not who I am, it hit me that even if I lose the account, I don't lose myself and there should be nothing more important to me than myself. If there's anything my low-key obsession with BTS (anti-K-POP and anti-BTS peeps stay with me on this xD) has thought me is that I come first. You can't even fall in love with anyone else without learning to love yourself first. Once you accept yourself for who you are, everything else falls into place, you get this adrenaline rush and feeling of "I can change the world and no one can stop me" and you know what? You can. Once you believe you can, you're already halfway there.
Don't let Social Media get to you the way it got to me. I won't deny all the good things that come out of Social Media, I've met some of the best people online, just remember to love yourself, keep your chin up, and throw kindness around like confetti.

So that was today's post! Hope you liked it! Let me know what you think!
And don't forget to Love yourself.

Without Wax,

That Indian Blogger

Hey guys!
I'm back with a new post at a record time, I'm not quite sure how that happened either.
Before I start off with the post I'd like to mention something that happened that left me SHOOK. Someone recognized me as That Indian Blogger in a mall the other day. CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?! Never in a million years did I see myself in that situation. So a massive shout out to the girl who came up to me.
So this is a post I've wanted to put up for a while but never really got around to it.

In March of this year, I visited Taiwan with my dad.
I don't want to bore you with a lot of details, so I'll try to keep it short and fill the rest of the post with pictures from the trip.
I was amazed by the country from the very beginning. As I stepped out of the plane, the first thing I saw was a massive board that said 'Taiwan' but it was completely made out of circuit boards. From the airport, we drove down to our first stop, Hsinchu, a small city in northern Taiwan. It wasn't a daunting city like the capital, Taipei. The way the city was built and maintained made me wish I lived there. We spent two days there but on the second day, we took the Taiwan High Speed Rail to two cities, Taichung, which is fairly in the middle and Kaohsiung, a city in the south. I didn't really get to explore those two cities but the train journey is something I'll never forget. It made me wish I had more time on my hands to explore the Taiwan countryside. In Taichung, I had the most memorable lunch, trying out all the local delicacies like fried oyster, goose, stinky tofu and even something called iron egg which is a boiled egg that has been braised in soy sauce for a long time because of which it is hard on the outside but soo tasty. If you find yourself in Taiwan do not be afraid to try out all the food they have to offer, you'll find yourself loving dishes you never thought you would, and it'll definitely leave you satisfied. On the last three days of my trip, I was in Taipei. Like I mentioned before, this city was quite daunting. The massive skyscrapers and just the scale of everything made me feel tiny and intimidated but I definitely would love to just get lost in it for days. I didn't get to explore as much as I'd like to but I did do quite a bit of sightseeing here like at the Taipei 101, the National Palace Museum, which I highly recommend you visit and the Raohe Street Night Market which is also a must visit.
The people there were incredibly sweet and always willing to help. Someone who didn't speak a lot of English but knew my dad for a while took us out to dinner with his family and as a stranger in foreign place, where I couldn't understand a lot of things or even a word they were saying, I felt right at home, so much love and didn't feel out of place.
Taiwan may be a small country but it had so much to offer.  I went at a time when my anxiety was really bad and this trip healed me in ways I didn't imagine it would or could. So if you get an opportunity to explore this amazing country, please do.
谢谢台湾

Without Wax,

That Indian Blogger

Hey guys!
We're halfway through 2018 already. How?! My last post was welcoming the new year.😂
Hope you guys are having a good year so far! If you aren't, do not worry, you have another six months left, own it, I know you can.
So today's post is hard for me to write about.
Speaking about it out loud is hard enough. I can never find the right words.
So something I do is that I overthink and worry about different things way too much. Nobody overthinks things more than I do, trust me. Lately, it's gotten worse and I wanted to do something to put an end to it.
I over-analyze and unnecessarily dissect situations. I just can't stop myself.
It goes from the tiniest of things like if someone doesn't reply to a message I will almost always think I've said the wrong thing.
I then sometimes question my abilities to do things, millions of people will be able to do it but I end up questioning my abilities. Why?!
Coming out of an exam, I know I would've done the best I can but head always goes to the question WHAT IF.

It always boils down to this question.
'What if?'
My head always goes to the worst case scenario.
It's a downward spiral from there. A spiral I can't get out of. In some cases, I'm gripped with fear. I've actually found myself literally shaking with fear. Turns out, that's not just an expression.
My heart is racing a million miles an hour, I'm shaking with fear, this massive adrenaline rush comes out of nowhere and I literally don't know what to do. This has happened multiple times this past year.
I hate being in the unknown, I like to have every single thing planned and when I'm in a situation like that, everything is thrown out the door and I'm literally stuck.
It is both, a boon and a bane. Lately, it's been a major bane though. It's gotten to the point where I just can't go on like this  anymore, I need to make some changes.
Anxiety is defined in many ways but according to the dictionary it's an uncomfortable feeling of nervousness or worry about something that is happening or might happen in the future or it's just something that causes you to worry, but an excess of this like what I've been experiencing this past couple of months is not good for you. 
Something that I've noticed while reading up on ways to get better is that in India we do not acknowledge mental health as much as we should. People don't think anxiety and anxiety disorders are real and that's what made me want to write about it. It looks like people going through things like this are afraid to speak up or just don't want to be looked at differently. I get it, like I know I might have people looking at me weirdly after this, but I strongly recommended people to talk about all this more. 
I always feel like nothing is scarier than having all these feeling build up inside of you and feel like you're alone in your struggle because the truth is you're not. There are so many people going through exactly what you may be going through and nothing is more comforting than letting it all out. That is your first step in the right direction. I believe that if we take the right steps then we can beat it and take control of our lives. Anxiety does have the ability to control your life but I know that it's something that can be defeated with the right steps. 
A few things that I've learned that help me is to first take a step back from the situation or thing that worries you, take a deep breath and just forget about it. Ask yourself, what's the worst that can happen, my mom always asks me to do this. In the end, when you think about it, you will always find solutions to overcome even those worst-case scenarios, there is nothing that can stop you. I've also found that finding a distraction helps so much, for me it's been endless Korean dramas and variety shows😂. Listening to music and just going out for long walks is a massive help. I've read that meditation and yoga help loads too, I haven't tried that out yet but it's definitely something that I want to get into. The biggest help though at the end of the day is to talk about it with friends and family because it's always so good to get another set of eyes on your situation and tell you that everything is going to be ok. If you feel like you don't have that kind of person in your life, feel free to hit me up in the DMs anytime. I want to stress the fact that you're not alone so much. 
YOU NEVER WALK ALONE. 
We got this. You're given this life only because you're strong enough to handle it so never feel like you can't, and I know it's cliche but never give up.
To the people who don't relate to this post, please be understanding of the people going through things like this, it's not a joke, Anxiety is real, and if you spend some time with someone you know going through this and just truly listen to them, it's all that's needed to get them feeling a whole lot better. If you laugh about it or don't take them seriously, it will only give them more reasons to worry about other than the situation they're already in and just make them feel worse. So spread kindness around like confetti ALWAYS.
Again, I know it's a different post but I hope it helped someone out there.
Honestly feel free to hit me up if you're feeling lost or scared, anxious or maybe you don't have anxiety but you just want someone to talk to, I got your back.
Hope you guys liked this week's post! It's something so different and scary so let me know what you think! 
Hope you have an amazing day. 
Auf Wiedersehen.

Without Wax,

That Indian Blogger

Without Wax, 

That Indian Blogger

Hey everybody!
Soo the last time I posted was in June.
Dammit.
I hope y’all are doing good. I hope someone other than me still knows this blog exists.😅
Here’s hoping.
A lot has happened since I last posted.
I’m in college and I’m 18.
I’m not really sure how I got here.
I’m not going to lie, college has been pretty much a slap to the face whilst I was standing on a cliff.
For 13 years I went to the same school, saw the same faces, same halls and sometimes faced the same pity problems all the time as well. I never had to deal with “adult problems” and I hate to admit it but I was pretty much a sheltered kid all my life. In August however, I started my under graduate degree in Electronics and Communication Engineering at a Government college and let’s just say that things here work a little bit differently.
I’m that sort of stuck up person who likes to live a very scheduled and organized life and let me tell you that schedule was thrown out the window and stomped on and run over in college. I thought entrance exams and board exams and what not was hard? L O L.
My life was turned upside down.
First week of college was brutal. I was pretty much walking around like a headless chicken and being the anti-social butterfly that I am, I wasn't talking to anybody. I didn't even know how to get back home. All that kept running in my head over and over is how I wanted nothing more than to get back to the comfortable and over familiar confines of high school.
Not even a week of college had passed and I was already physically and mentally exhausted.
To be completely honest, I was crying myself to sleep pretty much.
I was all ready to throw in the towel.
I was also about to turn 18 around the same time and it hit me that this is not the way I wanted to walk into my adult years.
In situations like this I feel like the best thing you could do is focus on all the positives. That's what got me through anyways. Every positive little thing you can find.
I found happiness on hearing the change of chords on a guitar in songs, I found happiness, believe it or not, in swiping my metro card at the metro station, because I found it pretty damn cool, judge me all you want😂. I found happiness when my bread dough doubled in size after proving, I find it magical every damn time. I also found happiness just staring at a terrarium. I still can't get over what perfect and cute af plants succulents are.
Anyways the point is, I think in everybody's life there comes a point where you're just about break and you've had enough but don't ever give up because it's always going to get better, you learn something new every day, you adapt to changing environment and if you stay on the right track, everything works out for you in the end.
In terms of turning 18, initially I got kind of excited and then Liza Koshy reminded me in one of her videos that when you're brown and you turn 18, it don't mean anything😆. Which when you think about it, as a young girl in Indian society, it is sooo true. I still have a curfew and I still have to ask my parents every time I want to go out with friends but that aside I think turning 18 throws a lot of other responsibilities your way. It's even just the thought of "omg I am an adult right now" that hits me every time. I find myself doing weather checks and dressing accordingly and wearing shoes that definitely do not go with my outfit but I wear them anyway just because its more comfy and better to walk in. I even find myself buying after wash for my clothes because I've started to do more laundry, VOLUNTARILY😂 I hate to admit, but I'm enjoying it for the most part, even doing the laundry.
Anyways all this doesn't particularly mean that I'm completely fine right now. I still struggle with something or the other everyday, but I think I can get through this hard part.
I know it sounds cliche' but if I can, you definitely can.

Hope you liked this new post. Tell me what you think!
Also, would you guys like to see a recipe as a post?  I've been baking a lot recently and I'm in too deep, so let me know!
Thank you for reading this post.
Until next time,
Auf Wiedersehen x

Without Wax,

That Indian Blogger

Hi there. Remember me?
Long time no see, but then again, what's new.
There have been so many instances where I could've opened up my laptop and posted something on here over the past three months but I just couldn't. I didn't really want to either because I cannot tell you what sort of a dark place I was in during the past two months. I have slowly come out of it, I think. I just saw a documentary called Slingshot based on the guy who invented the Segway, Dean Kamen and how he's practically changing the world every single day and there I was, just sat on my living room floor where I had been for the past 520 minutes, or rather 13 episodes of The Vampire Diaries (which is a GREAT show btw. I have been binge watching it for the past couple of days and I'm already almost done with season 3 which is approximately 2360 minutes of my life wasted. I like to tell myself that staring at the gorgeous Ian Somerhalder is worth it, but who am I kidding) doing absoultely nothing, just wasting my time, precious time that I could never get back so I decided to get off my bum and do what I think I am best at and what I love, writing.
So four months ago, things started getting very real and very scary because the board exams were right around the corner and I realised that I CANNOT afford to mess this up. I had not been the most academically brilliant student the past two years and as the exams kept getting nearer I kept questioning if I could actually do well. I would see my friends working so hard, harder than ever before and I kept questioning if I had done enough. Something I've learnt since then is to NEVER question yourself. If you believe that you have worked your hardest, then you have. Don't let anyone make you question that.
My mum had to basically hit this fact into my head constantly and honestly, I don't think I could've done it without her reminding me to believe that I could do it. Trust me, believing that you can is everything, the moment you lose your belief, you've lost practically lost the battle and lost everything.
Anyways, that girl with a massive inferiority complex who kept questioning her capabilities every other day turned out to get a 91% in her board exams and you know what, she's proud. It may not be as good as how much my friends got or how much the topper got but I am proud, and I made my parents proud and my family proud and nobody can take that from me.
I cannot tell you how worked up I was, awaiting the results. There were sleepless nights, there were numerous panic attacks and breakdowns and now it all seems like all that time spent crying was completely unnecessary and an utter waste of time because here I am, happy, and if I got through it, so can you.
Something else I had to tackle were entrance exams, and those really took a toll on me because all of a sudden, from the confines and comfort of a school with about 100 something students in your grade, you're thrown out into the big bad world, competing with lakhs of students on a national scale. That hit me in ways I never thought it could. I would cry every single day, I was so close to giving up on multiple occasions, I basically thought I was useless and a waste of space and I'm here to tell you that rule number one is to definitely not do what I did.
BELIEVE IN YOURSELF. The world is your oyster and if you are crazy enough to think that you can bring about world peace or cure cancer or build a time machine THEN SO BE IT. Because if there's anything that documentary or Steve Jobs taught me, it's that the crazy ones, the ones who think that they can change the world, are the ones who usually do.
I'm working on this. I have big dreams and passions and hopefully one day I'll be writing a blog post telling you that I made it because I believed I could.
No dream is too big or too small.
You believe you could get into an Ivy League school? You will get into an Ivy League school.
You believe you can own a Ferrari in the future? You will own a Ferrari in the future.
It's as simple as that.
Sooo, that's it for today, gotta get back to my Vampire Diaries marathon 😂😜
I hope this post made even one of you think twice about yourself and believe in yourself.
That one person could go on to be the first person on Mars or to invent a device to teleport, who knows.
Tell me what you think in the comments!
Until next time,
Auf Wiedersehen

Without Wax,
That Indian Blogger x

Hey guys!
Hope you are all doing well.
This post is probably going to be way too emotional and maybe a little more dramatic than it needs to be. Then again, that is the person I am, a sappy romanticist in every way and proud, just, don't say I didn't warn you.

29th November 2016.
To some it's just another day, I know it as my granddad's birthday but as of yesterday I'm also going to always remember it as something else as well.
It started off as a completely normal day. The only thing I was excited about was celebrating my grandad's 80th later that day. Music, food and family, I mean as an overworked and exhausted 12th grader, what more could you want? :P  I went to school knowing that not a lot of 12th graders would come so I thought there wouldn't really be anything exciting or important happening. I cannot tell you how wrong I ended up being.
During the last five minutes of school, we found out that that was our last working day. All of us knew the day was coming but when it suddenly became very real, it hit me, hard.
I was not prepared to hear that.
I managed to keep it together up until I reached home where I'm not ashamed to tell you (ok maybe a little embarrassed), that I completely broke down and cried my heart out.
Now, I know I'm going to see my friends and classmates quite a few times over the next couple of months, there's no need really to become quite emotional already but spending the last 13 years in the same school and being told that it's all over and that I didn't get to spend it with some of my best friends was just sad and again, it kind of hit me hard.
I can already imagine some of you cringing right about now. Such first world problems isn't? :P
I did warn you.
Do bear with me, I'm trying to keep this as short as possible :P
For 13 years I came to the same place, met the most amazing people, had a lots of ups and downs, experienced a lot of things, I saw people come and go and to simply put it, it was one hell of a roller coaster ride, but to be honest I wouldn't have had it any other way because it has made me the person I am today. Now if that person is good or bad is up to you but it won't change the fact that I'm a little proud of who I have become and it's all because of everything that has happened to me during my time at school.
The thought of not coming back to school everyday, not standing in the hot sun during assemblies anymore, not trying to bunk classes, not counting down the seconds until the lunch break bell goes off, not being yelled at in the corridor for not shutting up, not being able to see my friends each morning, not being able to root for my house during matches so much that I lose my voice, kind of scares me.
No matter how small of a role you might've played in my 13 years at CMR, thank you.
I'm trying my best to not make this sound like it's the end because it really isn't but just, know how grateful I am.
A special thanks to 12A for making the past two years absolutely incredible. I made some really good friends and made some really special memories. It has definitely been my favourite years of school and each and every one of you played a major role in that. Some of you inspired me, some of you made me smile, some of you made me laugh, some of you made me cry(not in a bad way :P), some of you awed me, some of you taught me to look at life differently, just, Thank You. I never thought I'd open up to people outside my best friends circle but you guys just took down my walls but I'm really glad you did.
The best friends, you guys know who you are :P I can't thank you enough, I'll save that for another blog post xD Just know that I love you guys to bits and that y'all are irreplaceable.

'Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened.' is what I'm going to be telling myself over the next couple of days :P

Before I start tearing up again I'm going to end here.
Thank you for taking your time to read this! Hopefully, you liked it :)
Until next time.
Auf Wiedersehen.

Without Wax,
That Indian Blogger

Hi there.

Hi guys!
I hope everybody is having an amazing day so far.
So today's post is a little different from what I usually write. It's kind of inspired by a book that I've read recently called 'The Time Traveler's Wife'. Now, there are certain things I'd love to undo or redo in my life, so time travel would definitely come in handy, but I don't know, I feel things always happen for a reason and there's no use pondering or regretting about decisions or things that have already been done. And since no such thing as time travel exists (YET.), I thought I'd write a letter to the future me.
Basically, as some of you may know, this year is my last year in school and I am aware that in the coming months, months that are going to get over in the blink of an eye, things are going to change drastically. I've gotten so comfortable with the same routine for the past 13 years now that I have no idea how I'm going to cope or adapt to the impending changes but all I can do is work hard, hope for the best, and expect the worst. So in hopes that that change doesn't change the person I am today, I'm writing a letter to the future me. Some of you may find it funny or weird, I get that, but I just wanted to leave a part of the present me, in case the future me loses her way or something like that!
Anyways here goes nothing. :P

Dear future me,
It's very very weird writing this. I mean, first of all I'm basically talking to myself, and secondly you could be the me from 2017 or from 2027. Even if it's just a year from now, a lot could've happened, but, regardless of whichever year you're from I hope I haven't changed much, I hope I'm still grounded, I hope time has been kind to me, I hope I'm on a beach in Brighton or something like that! :P Have I found Mr. Prince Charming? Do I fight with my (well, our) brother as much as I do today? Am I still friends or at least in contact with the people I call my best friends today?
I have so many questions! Do I end up ok? Happy? Am I successful in making my (well our!) parents proud?
Clearly, I have to figure all that out by myself. But if by any chance you're able to send me a warning of whatever's coming my way, PLEASE DO.
If something's happened and you've lost all hope, then do not worry. The you of 2016, the still optimistic you is here to save the day! Well, I have just one thing to say and that is that you are given this life only because you are strong enough to live it. If everything is not ok then it means that its not the end, because in the end, everything will be O.K. So hang in there.
If you happen to be successful and are rolling in cash please don't forget who you are and where you're from. Don't become arrogant or live life like nothing's going to change, now that you have all the money in the world, or at least a lot of it. Money could maybe buy that Porsche 911 that you've always wanted, and to be honest I guess that could bring a LOT of happiness but please don't let that kind of money poison your head.
If you're still the over trusting and kind of gullible person like I am, just remember not to waste your time or lose yourself trying to hold on to someone who doesn't care about losing you. Also, if you can't figure out where you stand with someone, it might be time to stop standing and start walking.
Also, if I end up doing something stupid, or something stupid has happened in your past and it happens to be my fault then I apologize but please forget what's happened in the past but don't forget what it taught you.
Anyways, life is a bitch and none of us come out of it alive. We all die. Harsh, I know. But the goal is not to live forever but to create something that will. I hope we do that.
OK, so this has been very weird and very awkward so I'm going to stop here. :P

Don't let insecurities ruin the beauty you were born with.

Without Wax.


~



So yeah! That was today's post. This has been the weirdest and most difficult post I've ever written. I reread this about a 100 times now and I've never been this afraid to put up a post! Do leave your opinions or thoughts in the comments section below!
Thank you for taking your time to read this!

Auf Wiedersehen.

Without Wax,

That Indian Blogger

 

So we're into the fourth month of 2016.
That.
Was.
Fast.

Without Wax,

That Indian Blogger

Hello there people of the internet.
It's been exactly 2 weeks since I last posted.
I'd like to say I'd been having 'writers block' but I don't think I can call myself a writer just yet!
Another excuse I've been telling myself is that I've just been waiting for inspiration to hit me. I'd read in a book called 'Big Magic' by Elizabeth Gilbert that ideas hit everyone and you just have to keep your eyes open and stay alert because that idea/inspiration may come to you fast and quite easily but it goes away and passes on to the next person just as easily. And so I've been waiting and waiting and trying to think of something new and interesting to put up here and let's just say that I'm waiting for that idea to hit me as well. I couldn't just let this blog lie and sit around for that idea to hit me, this blog means too much to me to do that, so I decided that I just had to post something today. 
So something that happened to me the other day is something that hasn't happened in a really long time. I basically cried for 3 hours straight. Very discreetly, not wailing or anything but I felt like I was genuinely sad. Once the tears started rolling down, it did not stop. Now I've had a quite a few tears slip whilst reading books like 'Me Before You',' All The Bright Places' and basically every other book I own because I love a book that has the ability to move you like that but this cry was nothing like that. Now, it isn't something that I'm proud of. When I think about it, that episode was triggered by various events. I'd blame the stress and the fatigue and everything but when I really thought about and analyzed it, I realized I was just scared about what the future holds for me. Now I've been thinking about this because I'm finally in the 12th grade. Like I've said before, you always think about your last year in school and becoming an adult and everything but I never really placed myself in that position. Every year I'd be like 'I can do that next year' or when your teacher teaches you something they'd probably be like 'You'll learn it in higher classes' and I am now in my final year of school and the end is staring at me dead in the eye and I never thought I'd be this intimidated.
Here is a "brief" and "concise" list of why I'm scared.

1. What if I don't do well in my board exams?
2. What if I cant understand the concepts this year and break down?
3. How will I do my entrance exams? When will I study for it?
4. What do I want to do once I pass out? Everybody has got their life planned out, I haven't.
5. What if I choose the wrong career? I'll be stuck with it for the rest of my life.
6. Will I ever make my parents proud?
7. Am I good enough to stand for a post like Head Girl?
8. I really want to live Europe, travel the world. Will I ever achieve that?
9. Do people actually like what I write? Will I ever do a good job?
10. I procrastinate way too much, what if it happens this year as well?

OK I think I'll stop there. I think you kind of get the picture. Now I've thought of these things individually at different times, never all at once and I guess that's why it genuinely scared me. The fear that rushed through me was bigger than my fear of birds and that's saying something!
My best friend, an absolutely inspirational woman who has promised never to leave my side throughout this journey of figuring out every one of those questions then sung to me. Yes, sung. Now this was no Adele or Celine Dion performance but it meant more to me that any One Direction concert would. Again, that's saying something! My mum, the absolutely amazing woman I was telling you about earlier sung these lines to me-

Que sera, sera
Whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours to see
Que sera, sera
What will be, will be.

Hello everybody!
Guess who is back from their temporary hiatus!
I have now finished my 11th grade exams and from tomorrow I will be in the 12th grade. MY final year of school. I cannot believe it! It honestly feels so surreal! You always think about being in your final year of school but you never truly imagine what it would be like to be in that position. This year is ultimately make it or break it. I am absolutely terrified. But as Divergent as taught me, fear doesn't shut you down, it wakes you up! Lets hope that it goes that way.
So another month has gone by and it is time for the monthly favorites that I have picked up even though I was practically shut up inside my home for the past 2 weeks.

1. Lucky Charms

 

2. Game Of Thrones

3. Book Writing

4. Into The Woods

5. Peroxide - Nina Nesbitt

Something I love is good, beautiful, acoustic music and that's exactly what I got from Nina Nesbitt' album, 'Peroxide'. The album is a bit old and I only came to know about this artist because I was stalking Ed Sheeran and apparently Nina Nesbitt dated him a while ago and the song 'Nina' from his album 'X' is about her. Yes, you can stop judging me now. So I was just curious and wanted to know what her songs are like and I FELL IN LOVE. Two of the songs from the album, 'The hardest part' and 'Stay Out' are my favorites and have been on repeat this month. 'The Hardest Part' is definitely my favorite song of this month. It can really make you cry, the lyrics are just beautiful. Do giver her a listen!





So that brings this post to an end. Did you guys miss me? I MISSED YOU TOO. I missed this blog. Thank you for reading this post.
A special shoutout to Vittal. Today is his birthday so do check out his blog! You will LOVE it. Happy Birthday again Vittal. :')

Hope you guys liked this post as much as I enjoyed writing it. I shall see you soon with a much more exciting blog post! Until then.
Auf Wiedersehen.

Without Wax,

That Indian Blogger