Hello there people of the internet.
It's been exactly 2 weeks since I last posted.
I'd like to say I'd been having 'writers block' but I don't think I can call myself a writer just yet!
Another excuse I've been telling myself is that I've just been waiting for inspiration to hit me. I'd read in a book called 'Big Magic' by Elizabeth Gilbert that ideas hit everyone and you just have to keep your eyes open and stay alert because that idea/inspiration may come to you fast and quite easily but it goes away and passes on to the next person just as easily. And so I've been waiting and waiting and trying to think of something new and interesting to put up here and let's just say that I'm waiting for that idea to hit me as well. I couldn't just let this blog lie and sit around for that idea to hit me, this blog means too much to me to do that, so I decided that I just had to post something today.
So something that happened to me the other day is something that hasn't happened in a really long time. I basically cried for 3 hours straight. Very discreetly, not wailing or anything but I felt like I was genuinely sad. Once the tears started rolling down, it did not stop. Now I've had a quite a few tears slip whilst reading books like 'Me Before You',' All The Bright Places' and basically every other book I own because I love a book that has the ability to move you like that but this cry was nothing like that. Now, it isn't something that I'm proud of. When I think about it, that episode was triggered by various events. I'd blame the stress and the fatigue and everything but when I really thought about and analyzed it, I realized I was just scared about what the future holds for me. Now I've been thinking about this because I'm finally in the 12th grade. Like I've said before, you always think about your last year in school and becoming an adult and everything but I never really placed myself in that position. Every year I'd be like 'I can do that next year' or when your teacher teaches you something they'd probably be like 'You'll learn it in higher classes' and I am now in my final year of school and the end is staring at me dead in the eye and I never thought I'd be this intimidated.
Here is a "brief" and "concise" list of why I'm scared.
1. What if I don't do well in my board exams?
2. What if I cant understand the concepts this year and break down?
3. How will I do my entrance exams? When will I study for it?
4. What do I want to do once I pass out? Everybody has got their life planned out, I haven't.
5. What if I choose the wrong career? I'll be stuck with it for the rest of my life.
6. Will I ever make my parents proud?
7. Am I good enough to stand for a post like Head Girl?
8. I really want to live Europe, travel the world. Will I ever achieve that?
9. Do people actually like what I write? Will I ever do a good job?
10. I procrastinate way too much, what if it happens this year as well?
OK I think I'll stop there. I think you kind of get the picture. Now I've thought of these things individually at different times, never all at once and I guess that's why it genuinely scared me. The fear that rushed through me was bigger than my fear of birds and that's saying something!
My best friend, an absolutely inspirational woman who has promised never to leave my side throughout this journey of figuring out every one of those questions then sung to me. Yes, sung. Now this was no Adele or Celine Dion performance but it meant more to me that any One Direction concert would. Again, that's saying something! My mum, the absolutely amazing woman I was telling you about earlier sung these lines to me-
Que sera, sera
Whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours to see
Que sera, sera
What will be, will be.
Now this a song that she's sung to me about a thousand times before but I've never really given it much thought. Que Sera Sera is a phrase which has it's origins from the Spanish language and is used to convey that future events are out of the speaker's control.
None of us really have the power to see what we're going to do in the future, what will happen to us in the future, it's just all out of our control. Something that I definitely learnt from my episode is that crying or getting scared and worked up about it now, is completely pointless. You can have a good cry though, there isn't anything wrong about it, but you've got to stop and tell yourself that you can do it, you are good enough and nothing that anybody says can stop you or put you down. What we can do is work hard, very hard, towards reaching our goals. Whatever happens, happens for a reason. Good things always happen to good people. Karma is a b*tch and always does her work, don't forget that!
You may not know what the future hold for you but you definitely have a say in who holds your future!
And that's a wrap for this week! Hope you liked this post as much as I liked writing it. Tell me what you think about it!
Until next time, Auf Wiedersehen.
Without Wax,
That Indian Blogger.
- Monday, March 14, 2016
- 0 Comments
