Hey guys!
We're halfway through 2018 already. How?! My last post was welcoming the new year.😂
Hope you guys are having a good year so far! If you aren't, do not worry, you have another six months left, own it, I know you can.
So today's post is hard for me to write about.
Speaking about it out loud is hard enough. I can never find the right words.
So something I do is that I overthink and worry about different things way too much. Nobody overthinks things more than I do, trust me. Lately, it's gotten worse and I wanted to do something to put an end to it.
I over-analyze and unnecessarily dissect situations. I just can't stop myself.
It goes from the tiniest of things like if someone doesn't reply to a message I will almost always think I've said the wrong thing.
I then sometimes question my abilities to do things, millions of people will be able to do it but I end up questioning my abilities. Why?!
Coming out of an exam, I know I would've done the best I can but head always goes to the question WHAT IF.

It always boils down to this question.
'What if?'
My head always goes to the worst case scenario.
It's a downward spiral from there. A spiral I can't get out of. In some cases, I'm gripped with fear. I've actually found myself literally shaking with fear. Turns out, that's not just an expression.
My heart is racing a million miles an hour, I'm shaking with fear, this massive adrenaline rush comes out of nowhere and I literally don't know what to do. This has happened multiple times this past year.
I hate being in the unknown, I like to have every single thing planned and when I'm in a situation like that, everything is thrown out the door and I'm literally stuck.
It is both, a boon and a bane. Lately, it's been a major bane though. It's gotten to the point where I just can't go on like this  anymore, I need to make some changes.
Anxiety is defined in many ways but according to the dictionary it's an uncomfortable feeling of nervousness or worry about something that is happening or might happen in the future or it's just something that causes you to worry, but an excess of this like what I've been experiencing this past couple of months is not good for you. 
Something that I've noticed while reading up on ways to get better is that in India we do not acknowledge mental health as much as we should. People don't think anxiety and anxiety disorders are real and that's what made me want to write about it. It looks like people going through things like this are afraid to speak up or just don't want to be looked at differently. I get it, like I know I might have people looking at me weirdly after this, but I strongly recommended people to talk about all this more. 
I always feel like nothing is scarier than having all these feeling build up inside of you and feel like you're alone in your struggle because the truth is you're not. There are so many people going through exactly what you may be going through and nothing is more comforting than letting it all out. That is your first step in the right direction. I believe that if we take the right steps then we can beat it and take control of our lives. Anxiety does have the ability to control your life but I know that it's something that can be defeated with the right steps. 
A few things that I've learned that help me is to first take a step back from the situation or thing that worries you, take a deep breath and just forget about it. Ask yourself, what's the worst that can happen, my mom always asks me to do this. In the end, when you think about it, you will always find solutions to overcome even those worst-case scenarios, there is nothing that can stop you. I've also found that finding a distraction helps so much, for me it's been endless Korean dramas and variety shows😂. Listening to music and just going out for long walks is a massive help. I've read that meditation and yoga help loads too, I haven't tried that out yet but it's definitely something that I want to get into. The biggest help though at the end of the day is to talk about it with friends and family because it's always so good to get another set of eyes on your situation and tell you that everything is going to be ok. If you feel like you don't have that kind of person in your life, feel free to hit me up in the DMs anytime. I want to stress the fact that you're not alone so much. 
YOU NEVER WALK ALONE. 
We got this. You're given this life only because you're strong enough to handle it so never feel like you can't, and I know it's cliche but never give up.
To the people who don't relate to this post, please be understanding of the people going through things like this, it's not a joke, Anxiety is real, and if you spend some time with someone you know going through this and just truly listen to them, it's all that's needed to get them feeling a whole lot better. If you laugh about it or don't take them seriously, it will only give them more reasons to worry about other than the situation they're already in and just make them feel worse. So spread kindness around like confetti ALWAYS.
Again, I know it's a different post but I hope it helped someone out there.
Honestly feel free to hit me up if you're feeling lost or scared, anxious or maybe you don't have anxiety but you just want someone to talk to, I got your back.
Hope you guys liked this week's post! It's something so different and scary so let me know what you think! 
Hope you have an amazing day. 
Auf Wiedersehen.

Without Wax,

That Indian Blogger

Without Wax, 

That Indian Blogger

Hey everybody!
Soo the last time I posted was in June.
Dammit.
I hope y’all are doing good. I hope someone other than me still knows this blog exists.😅
Here’s hoping.
A lot has happened since I last posted.
I’m in college and I’m 18.
I’m not really sure how I got here.
I’m not going to lie, college has been pretty much a slap to the face whilst I was standing on a cliff.
For 13 years I went to the same school, saw the same faces, same halls and sometimes faced the same pity problems all the time as well. I never had to deal with “adult problems” and I hate to admit it but I was pretty much a sheltered kid all my life. In August however, I started my under graduate degree in Electronics and Communication Engineering at a Government college and let’s just say that things here work a little bit differently.
I’m that sort of stuck up person who likes to live a very scheduled and organized life and let me tell you that schedule was thrown out the window and stomped on and run over in college. I thought entrance exams and board exams and what not was hard? L O L.
My life was turned upside down.
First week of college was brutal. I was pretty much walking around like a headless chicken and being the anti-social butterfly that I am, I wasn't talking to anybody. I didn't even know how to get back home. All that kept running in my head over and over is how I wanted nothing more than to get back to the comfortable and over familiar confines of high school.
Not even a week of college had passed and I was already physically and mentally exhausted.
To be completely honest, I was crying myself to sleep pretty much.
I was all ready to throw in the towel.
I was also about to turn 18 around the same time and it hit me that this is not the way I wanted to walk into my adult years.
In situations like this I feel like the best thing you could do is focus on all the positives. That's what got me through anyways. Every positive little thing you can find.
I found happiness on hearing the change of chords on a guitar in songs, I found happiness, believe it or not, in swiping my metro card at the metro station, because I found it pretty damn cool, judge me all you want😂. I found happiness when my bread dough doubled in size after proving, I find it magical every damn time. I also found happiness just staring at a terrarium. I still can't get over what perfect and cute af plants succulents are.
Anyways the point is, I think in everybody's life there comes a point where you're just about break and you've had enough but don't ever give up because it's always going to get better, you learn something new every day, you adapt to changing environment and if you stay on the right track, everything works out for you in the end.
In terms of turning 18, initially I got kind of excited and then Liza Koshy reminded me in one of her videos that when you're brown and you turn 18, it don't mean anything😆. Which when you think about it, as a young girl in Indian society, it is sooo true. I still have a curfew and I still have to ask my parents every time I want to go out with friends but that aside I think turning 18 throws a lot of other responsibilities your way. It's even just the thought of "omg I am an adult right now" that hits me every time. I find myself doing weather checks and dressing accordingly and wearing shoes that definitely do not go with my outfit but I wear them anyway just because its more comfy and better to walk in. I even find myself buying after wash for my clothes because I've started to do more laundry, VOLUNTARILY😂 I hate to admit, but I'm enjoying it for the most part, even doing the laundry.
Anyways all this doesn't particularly mean that I'm completely fine right now. I still struggle with something or the other everyday, but I think I can get through this hard part.
I know it sounds cliche' but if I can, you definitely can.

Hope you liked this new post. Tell me what you think!
Also, would you guys like to see a recipe as a post?  I've been baking a lot recently and I'm in too deep, so let me know!
Thank you for reading this post.
Until next time,
Auf Wiedersehen x

Without Wax,

That Indian Blogger

Hi there. Remember me?
Long time no see, but then again, what's new.
There have been so many instances where I could've opened up my laptop and posted something on here over the past three months but I just couldn't. I didn't really want to either because I cannot tell you what sort of a dark place I was in during the past two months. I have slowly come out of it, I think. I just saw a documentary called Slingshot based on the guy who invented the Segway, Dean Kamen and how he's practically changing the world every single day and there I was, just sat on my living room floor where I had been for the past 520 minutes, or rather 13 episodes of The Vampire Diaries (which is a GREAT show btw. I have been binge watching it for the past couple of days and I'm already almost done with season 3 which is approximately 2360 minutes of my life wasted. I like to tell myself that staring at the gorgeous Ian Somerhalder is worth it, but who am I kidding) doing absoultely nothing, just wasting my time, precious time that I could never get back so I decided to get off my bum and do what I think I am best at and what I love, writing.
So four months ago, things started getting very real and very scary because the board exams were right around the corner and I realised that I CANNOT afford to mess this up. I had not been the most academically brilliant student the past two years and as the exams kept getting nearer I kept questioning if I could actually do well. I would see my friends working so hard, harder than ever before and I kept questioning if I had done enough. Something I've learnt since then is to NEVER question yourself. If you believe that you have worked your hardest, then you have. Don't let anyone make you question that.
My mum had to basically hit this fact into my head constantly and honestly, I don't think I could've done it without her reminding me to believe that I could do it. Trust me, believing that you can is everything, the moment you lose your belief, you've lost practically lost the battle and lost everything.
Anyways, that girl with a massive inferiority complex who kept questioning her capabilities every other day turned out to get a 91% in her board exams and you know what, she's proud. It may not be as good as how much my friends got or how much the topper got but I am proud, and I made my parents proud and my family proud and nobody can take that from me.
I cannot tell you how worked up I was, awaiting the results. There were sleepless nights, there were numerous panic attacks and breakdowns and now it all seems like all that time spent crying was completely unnecessary and an utter waste of time because here I am, happy, and if I got through it, so can you.
Something else I had to tackle were entrance exams, and those really took a toll on me because all of a sudden, from the confines and comfort of a school with about 100 something students in your grade, you're thrown out into the big bad world, competing with lakhs of students on a national scale. That hit me in ways I never thought it could. I would cry every single day, I was so close to giving up on multiple occasions, I basically thought I was useless and a waste of space and I'm here to tell you that rule number one is to definitely not do what I did.
BELIEVE IN YOURSELF. The world is your oyster and if you are crazy enough to think that you can bring about world peace or cure cancer or build a time machine THEN SO BE IT. Because if there's anything that documentary or Steve Jobs taught me, it's that the crazy ones, the ones who think that they can change the world, are the ones who usually do.
I'm working on this. I have big dreams and passions and hopefully one day I'll be writing a blog post telling you that I made it because I believed I could.
No dream is too big or too small.
You believe you could get into an Ivy League school? You will get into an Ivy League school.
You believe you can own a Ferrari in the future? You will own a Ferrari in the future.
It's as simple as that.
Sooo, that's it for today, gotta get back to my Vampire Diaries marathon 😂😜
I hope this post made even one of you think twice about yourself and believe in yourself.
That one person could go on to be the first person on Mars or to invent a device to teleport, who knows.
Tell me what you think in the comments!
Until next time,
Auf Wiedersehen

Without Wax,
That Indian Blogger x